Why it Matters What Happens When the Chips are Down

Staying stuck in a rut should only be a temporary problem.  With gratitude and supplication, each of us can bring back joy. Each of us can look around and remember for what we should be grateful.  Tragedy and loss will find us, but lean into a joyful spirit.  From great pain and sorrow, strength and achievement come...

Each and every day, we are presented with challenges and opportunities.  Some natural leaders are highly skilled at thinking big and going after projects with tenacity in preparation for the grander vision.  They are able to leap, hurdle, roll, and nullify any objections easily without blinking an eye.  What sets them apart, what is the 'secret sauce' which makes them that much different than the rest?  It what's they do when the chips are down. 

My grandmother was one of those ladies; she worked in nursing her entire career - with a median wage and countless hours in service to others.  When she got home, she encountered more strife and anxiety.  When members of the household lost employment, lost possessions, etc. - who did they rely on?  The matriarch of the family - the emotional head of household.  She kept things in order, always.  You see, she grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth; the daughter of a bottling tycoon from Northern Ireland.  She never worried at all as a child; she had maids, daily baths (yes, that was uncommon in middle class even), food always on the table and her church parish for support (and five siblings).  She chose to marry a gentleman who would eventually ask her to perform the biggest challenge of her life; uproot with five children and move to Australia.  The move would require a very, very long boat ride - with an unknown future.  The chips would certainly be down.  She had to be more, to everyone - including herself.  

Sarah Josephine (was her name) and she showed just what happens with true grit and tenacity.  Eventually, her husband would succumb to dementia/Alzheimer's disease - and she died shortly thereafter (many think, of a broken heart).  The moral of the story is that - she could've done a lot of things differently which could've yielded turmoil and chaos in not only her life but the lives of her offspring.  Instead, she held the family up when the chips were down.  Who would've thought that a young 'entitled' mother could turn the tides and become the backbone of the family through hard work (not only as a mother but as a nurse).  Through her efforts, her children and grandchildren would go on to live very meaningful lives.  

In making the right course corrections throughout life, the ripple effect is great.  The implications of what transpires far outreach one's present understanding.  These are the legacies which remain for generations.  Be more than you thought you could be, or what society expected of you.  Change the stigma, labeling, stereotyping, and bias - and get the resources you need to lead a successful rest of your life.  It's no one else's responsibility but yours.  Hoooahhh!

Shame - How it Rips us at our Subconscious Core

As per many research articles, men and women process shame differently...  

Women -  Women hold a high regard for themselves in just about every area; the bar is very high.  They scan the area to see what they're up against; typically honing in on other females.  Comparison then begins to set in; their subconscious is already tallying up the flaws and deficiencies; mostly of oneself.  They simply don't feel that they are good enough.  There are 12 shame categories, according to the book Daring Greatly by Dr. Brene Brown.  These include appearance and body image, money and work, motherhood, family, parenting, mental and physical health, addiction, sex, aging, religion, surviving trauma, and being stereotyped or labeled.  The primary trigger to any and all - how they look.  A close second is mother shame; the societal view of what a mother should be and act like.  

Women want to be naturally flawless; with little to no effort.  That's the expectation society and the bar one raises for themselves (even subconsciously) can drown human emotion. 

Men -  Shame is failure to men; any sort.  Shame comes when one may been seen as incorrect or wrong.  This brings back a primal instinct which says some parts are deficient or flat out defective.  Men think it is shameful to be anything but tough.  Revealing weaknesses?  Well, that's shaming, too.  A pushover perception - shaming.  Criticism or ridicule?  Shaming.  It all comes down to the fear of being perceived as weak.

Men typically won't be open, vulnerable and intimate - that doesn't come naturally to them.  

Covert shame and overt shame - Sometimes it can bottle up and cause unrealistic expectations which are never voiced.  Men are often hard on others, because - the reality is - they are hard on themselves too.  Research tells us that we judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than they are doing.  

The cycle can be stopped.  Did you know that your children engage in the same behaviors as you do?  This can result in bullying, poor self image, seeking popularity over wis
e choices, etc.  Shame is also one of the dynamics which is most lethal to relationships.  Women who feel shamed often push and provoke with criticism; while men either shut down or respond with anger.  

Don't allow shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal and the withholding of affection ruin any foundation from which a relationship is formed.  You hold the keys now to identifying when you'll allow behaviors to dictate your happiness.  Change is scary but patterns can be recreated and behaviors must be controlled to rid stress and anxiety from one's psyche.  You are in control!  

When Soldiers Yearn to Return to the Battlefield

When Soldiers Yearn to Return to the Battlefield

The trauma on the battlefield often brings back a lot of emotions when one travels back in his/her minds.  One emotion for certain is avenging the dear friends lost in the field of battle. Some soldiers do get the opportunity to go back to war - but many question their desire. To understand is to have lived in their shoes.  Many ask how they can't just be satisfied that they survived and can return to their families and hometowns across America.  Silently, the anger and rage intensifies with feelings of guilt for having survived.  A deeper conviction grows for justice.  Most combat soldiers often ponder, "how will I get back in the fight?"...  They ponder through the scenarios and think about lessons learned.  The traps of 'what if' and various scenarios play out in their imaginations.  

Guilt and shame often intensify over time; remorse and the sense that morality was violated in the act of war.  They ask themselves, "Did I do everything that I could to defeat the enemy and save fellow men from dying a glorious death of honor on the battlefield?".  These soldiers were great men with families, children - left behind.  This dilemma of inquiry makes the mission of defeating the enemy who took their lives resurface with hatred.  

One then asks him/herself, "How am I going to move beyond this circular tape of revolving memories that shifted my paradigm?".  There's an old saying that good people aren't supposed to have bad things happen to them.  Many question the dogma and beliefs about right and wrong.  Then, one day- they may happen upon a break through.  Enemies must be forgiven as they will face judgment ultimately from an all-knowing God.  They seek to have their hearts filled with peace and love.  It is an individual choice to remain in suffering and feelings of guilt and shame.  

During the actions of war, soldiers commit to the possibility of paying the ultimate price; their lives.  If the soldier is fortunate enough to return home alive, there are still ways to lead.  Many ways exist to honor their sacrifices and legacies.  Many of them told their peers of their life-fulfilling dreams once they made it home.  Life can still be lived through those returning; through their own versions of success.  Each of us can ask the Holy Father and Jesus Christ to show them the path, while recognizing their actions are forgiven.  

The fight will remain within each returning soldier, and we should all be aware of this.  Each day, they fight against darkness and embrace light in hopes of spreading love and inspiring others to value themselves in the world God created.  They will likely yearn to return to the battlefield to somehow rectify events - because that's who soldiers are at their core.

Helping other Veterans and individuals with health issues live beyond their labels (and the crosses they carry) - to reach their full potential possible, is a living legacy.  This type of service is indicative of unselfish giving, honoring the fallen - offering and receiving strength and hope.  Every minute, hour, day counts - there's no one counting.  What remains is the soldier and his/her ability to persevere and overcome all challenges to win against self destruction!  The fallen have given it all, and to all we owe.  It's a blessing that soldiers return from the battlefield and embrace the opportunity to not only breathe the gift of life, but to give Glory and praise to God; to live in the memory of their fallen comrades.  

Never give up, never give in.  Keep up the fight!  

Keys to Unlocking Unhealthy Relationships

It's worth the effort to prioritize your relationships.

Today,  We want to talk about some excerpts from "People Can't Drive You Crazy if you Don't Give Them the Keys" by Mike Bechtle.  We're striving for original content on this site, but sometimes - the favorite books in the library come to mind.  This book delves into how relationships work and the impact they may have on our lives (if we let them).  

...  Why recreate the wheel?  

The book covers these topics, among others:  

• Looking through the lens of what's true and real
• Choosing how you respond instead of simply reacting
• Deciding what you can impact in a situation and what is out of your control.
• Analyzing the real dynamics in a relationship.
• Learning how to influence people without the expectation of change.
• Learn how to capitalize your own uniqueness and how to recognize uniqueness in others. 
• You are your worst enemy - You've thought through the potential for managing your own emotions.  

Changing ourselves has 2 benefits:  

It puts us in control of our emotional life, regardless of what others do.

Causes others to respond differently to us.  

Key Points:  

Joy - Life is filled with ups and downs.  Healthy people learn how to live with both.

Perspective - Some people get upset with everything that happens around them.  It's like they're always finding the negative, and they appoint themselves as caretaker of everyone else's behavior. But that perspective keeps them steeped in drama.

Kindness -  Often seen as a sign of weakness rather than strength.  It can provide a path to freedom.

Integrity - Many people make decisions based on avoiding pain and embarrassment, choosing the easy way over the right way.  Integrity is who we are when we are not alone.  It's when there's alignment between who we are on the inside and how we come across to others on the outside.   

Commitment -  In our society, we expect people to disappear when things get tough.  That's why a person who sticks around when the going gets tough makes such an impact on any relationship.  

There's always work to be done with relationships, but not all relationships are worthy of our time and attention.  Look at each of these elements listed above and think about how they may influence your personal perspective when dealing with difficult individuals.  It wouldn't hurt to check out the book as well!  

Follow Your Dreams - Everyone Won't Join You

Follow Your Dreams - Everyone Won't Join You

When you think about where you stand within the roadmap to your dreams, where would you place yourself on the map?  Most of us would say we haven't even gotten started.  Why is that?  It's because we're not passionate about it, or - not passionate enough about it. 

1.  You must believe it's possible.

2.  Change is difficult and you'll have to embrace it.

3.  You will incur a lot of pain.

4.  Doubt is a byproduct of suffering.

5.  Hardships will not come to stay, they will come to pass.

6.  Greatness is within you, but you sometimes have to pull it out of your core - no one else can do that for you.

7.  Spend time alone so you can move forward.  

8.  Get the losers out of your life.

9.  As long as you're following others, you're a copycat - and you haven't defined your value.

10.  Not everyone will share your vision - you're an uncommon breed.

11.  Attract unstoppable, unreasonable -who want more and not okay with "as is".

12.  The people living their dreams know it's up to them - solely.

13.  Invest in yourself.

14.  Someone's opinion doesn't need to define you.

15.  You must see victory for yourself, even when others don't.

16.  Represent an idea, possibilities - if you want to go to the next level.

17.  Invest in your mind.  Challenge yourself and invest time.

18.  When you become who you were designed to be, an individual, you separate from others.

Most people go through the motions of life, they forget how to push themselves out of their current reality.  Fear of failure and success means it's more important to be afraid than to take risks.  Take the first step.  It is possible that YOU could touch millions of others' lives - don't let anyone steal your dream.  Get over the rejection, get over the fact that others won't follow the same road or support your dream.   

Most of these points came from DREAM .  If you want something bad enough, you'll give your ALL!   Don't attach yourself to winners, BECOME the winner!  Invest in you.

Maybe We Need an Eclipse of Our Own

After today’s total Solar Eclipse in North America, the next Total Solar Eclipse will be seen on July 2nd 2019 in the South Pacific.  Let's not wait until then to make some decisions.  

An eclipse should remind us all that there are some opportunities which will only present themselves on rare occasions.  How many times have you looked back and thought... "I should've, would've, could've"?  The key to acting on the things you're truly passionate about are self evident.  

John Quincy Adams

General Mattis stated " I don't lose any sleep at night over the potential for failure. I cannot even spell the word".   There's also a popular saying which states that life doesn't get better by chance, it gets better by change.  Are you comfortable living a mediocre existence?  If not, it's time to set some plans in motion; one leap at a time.  

Need some help?  I found some resources which may assist you in creating your next plan of action...

Create A Life Plan

Life Plan Template

Get on the road to being a new 'you', one leap at a time!  Hoooaahh!!

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. - John Quincy Adams

The Sum of All Fears

The Sum of All Fears

The Sum of All Fears, a 2002 American spy thriller film, based on Tom Clancy's novel of the same name - is not the purpose of this entry.  The purpose of this entry is to address a constant nagging which exists within us, brought on by our own innate nature.  This element of our existence is known as doubt.  Doubt leads to fear, and fear leads to anxiety.  One of my favorite motivational videos calls out fear and how emotions can destroy you.  The video speaks of not being trapped by dogma, as stated by Steve Jobs.

Fear of failure can control you; your emotions can inhibit critical steps which are essential to growth.   We  should function in our authenticity; independent, standing out from the crowd. Did you know that it is a primal instinct to not be separated or ostracized from the tribe? If you subscribe to the evolution of the human mind, this makes sense.  However, I subscribe to overtaking fear... I subscribe to having drive, making each day count, pushing the status quo.   

Many of us have heard that stress can be debilitating; it can cause many types of health problems - and yet we allow it to control our lives.  Our very way of thinking and viewing of the world is marred by antagonistic stress. Migraines, hair loss, weight gain, impaired vision, etc. can all be attributed to stress.  Yet, we continue to push forward in our everyday lives with our priorities out of whack.  I ask you, without your health - what is it that you have?  Are you working for what truly matters and bringing meaning to your lives and others?  If you're not, then you still have time to change.  You still have time to let go of fear and tackle it right out of your psyche.  Fear kills dreams.  Emotions cause blindness and hatred causes illnesses.  Why let our own minds rule our lives?  

I say to you, "You're in control of your destiny.  Don't let the sum of all your fears outweigh your mission or your desire to lead a healthy, long existence.  Don't let comparison or envy steal your joy.  Live like you may never have another chance and put the focus on what truly matters - your health and your family.  Don't let fear and doubt, worry - take up residence in your mind and soul.  Kick it out and go after your future!  I know I am.  The sum of all my fears is not greater than the sum of my willpower.  With The Lord as my co-pilot, anything is possible.  He wants me (and you) to live life abundantly and with peace of mind.  Won't you join me in my walk?  Won't you take back the power you inherently possess within yourself?  I surely hope so, if not for you - but for those left in the wake of your legacy".